Peace, tranquility, freedom, and calm were foreign to Arruna until she finally managed to free her sister and patched up their estranged relationship. It seemed up until now; those three things were always going to be foreign to the Twi'lek. Her whole life had been a tumultuous asteroid field and supernova of epic proportions it seemed.
From being sold into slavery at a young age because of her father's gambling problem to joining the Sith after she had freed herself from her slaver after murdering him to her short stint as a pirate, Arruna had known nothing of those things.
In all honesty, Arruna had thought she had found them as a Sith Acolyte, only to realize that she had simply traded one set of chains for another. She had managed to find her sister, but when she originally had done so, her sister saw what the Sith had made her, a monster. Arruna hadn't understood that until the aftermath of the murder of her own parents and siblings. In a fit of rage and based on a belief that her parents had given up on her sister and Arruna herself, she had murdered them heartlessly and in cold blood. In the aftermath, she had ultimately found out that they had never given up on her sister and her after all and in fact had hired someone to find them. However, when she saw her sister cringe in fright after Arruna had freed her from slavery and for quite some time wanted nothing to do with Arruna, it was then her eyes had been opened to the fact that Arruna had indeed become a monster after all. Hindsight is definitely 20/20 and for a long time, Arruna tried to restore her sister's trust in her. That had led Arruna to abandon the Sith and do a brief stint as a pirate. It was indeed a very tumultuous time.
Now that Arruna now saw her sister happily married and a mother of two, Arruna had witnessed a quick taste of peace, calm, tranquility, and freedom. She had managed to rebuild her and her sister's estranged relationship and loved her nieces and nephews to death.
But that was all short-lived because Arruna wanted more, like always it seemed.
Arruna longed for the stability that her sister had, stability that doing odd jobs here and there and waitressing hadn't provided. Arruna longed for some of the power and prestige she had when she had been a Sith. She longed for happiness that was her own and not because someone she loved was doing well. She longed to make a difference and help those that she could. And with her meager incomes from doing this and that, that wasn't feasible. She longed to belong somewhere and not flounder in life like she felt like she was doing. After all, Arruna had been given another chance to make something of her life, and this was not it. Yes, she loved her nieces and nephews and would do anything to protect them as well as her sister, but surely, she was meant for more than that?
She felt like she was wasting her life away and wanted to help more people if she could. Arruna had freed slaves and had helped them acclimate to their new freedom during her stints as a freelancer and pirate even though she was still trying to acclimate herself. Arruna knew there was so much more to learn, but without any mentor in sight, it seemed her abilities were going to waste.
The problems were doing what and where. She didn't belong anywhere it seemed. Arruna felt alone and like an outcast except for her sister and her family.
Truthfully why shouldn't she? She could never be expected to stifle her emotions like Jedi or forego attachments when she loved her sister and her sister's family too much. After all, Arruna vowed to never lose her again, no matter what it would take. There was no taking that back.
And on the other hand, yes Arruna longed for power and prestige like so many Sith, but she was not nearly as heartless, cruel, and fanatical as they were. Yes, she still wanted to kill and smite everyone in the universe involved in the slave trade, but that was the only revenge she really sought. So going back to the Sith was not going to happen. She wasn't going to be their puppet ever again. There was no way she would ever willingly shackle herself to the monster that they had made her become again.
She was simply somewhere smack middle in the two philosophies it seemed, and that was a problem especially since she wanted to learn so much more about the Force.
She had done a stint as a pirate, and that wasn't bad compared to everything else, but she honestly still never quite felt like home there and stability wasn't going to be a byproduct of piracy most likely. She wanted a family eventually of her own, and being a pirate wasn't going to help her accomplish that in her mind.
She had thought about the Empire at one time after having seen how happy the Galactic Empire officer had made her sister. But back then there had also been Doren who had solidified her positive outlook on the Empire at that time. He had helped her before and was a skilled officer, but also a good person in her mind. However, even then, Arruna still had some misgivings about government entities which is why she hesitated.
Plus, honestly if she joined the Galactic Empire, (if they would even have her) what could she even offer them?
Yes, she was pretty good (at least in her mind) with intel gathering, working in the shadows as an assassin, etc. as she did those things as both a Sith and pirate, but even though she thought she was pretty good at that, Arruna didn’t have a passion for it. She had much preferred doing her own side missions (without authority to do so mind you) of tracking down slavers, taking them out, freeing slaves, and helping them acclimate to their newfound freedom after having accomplished her assigned mission goals. And that hadn’t always gone over too well with her superiors if they ever found out. Plus, again, a life as an assassin/intel gatherer/spy was most definitely not conducive to eventually having a family of her own or stability.
She never fancied herself soldier-like. Arruna most wasn’t some fantastic military strategist and was much better when she wasn’t on the frontlines of battles. She worked better in the shadows for sure. Plus, she had little schooling since she had been a slave so long so what good would she be as a researcher or medic?
However, she had been a pretty fast learner when it had come to structured Force lessons from her Master as a Sith. She had loved the pursuit of learning and finding secrets to help her better herself and others so it was possible that it could manifest once again if given proper training and education. Maybe.
With no guidance and being as lost as she was, Arruna hadn’t improved much at all.
So, in all honesty she was no closer to having answered where she should go from here. She needed guidance, but where was it when she probably needed it most?
Meditations hadn’t helped. Her sister had tried to help but wasn’t very good at it because she had never had truly understood what Arruna had been through thus far. Arruna had no real friends because to this day she still had trust issues and was afraid to open up to people outside of her sister, especially with her back history.
Arruna contemplated going back to school but felt like she was too old for that at this point in her life. Plus, there was the problem that she had no idea what her concentration would even be. Also, what place would even have her with her tumultuous background?
So many questions, and still no answers had manifested. So, what was she to do?
She sighed melancholily as she changed into her work clothes for yet another bartender shift at a local cantina and headed to work. She had to pay the bills somehow after all.
Surely, this new chance she had been given wasn’t always going to be this way, was it? Something had to give.
Arruna truly felt she was meant for much more than to just be a guardian and protector of her sister and her sister’s family. However, the question remained, what was she meant to be.
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As she strolled into work and clocked in, she rubbed her temples ever slightly. Arruna had just arrived, and already the place was packed and a zillion orders were being flung her way at once. Plus the cantina was short-staffed tonight it seemed and rowdier than normal.
Oh boy is this going to be a long night! Surely this is not how my life is supposed to turn out with this new chance! Arruna said inwardly as she rushed around frantically filling orders as fast as she could.
When she managed to finally have a moment of peace, late at night, near closing time as she wiped off the bar, she whispered to herself having assumed it was out of earshot of anyone:
“This is better than slavery for sure and it could be worse I suppose. But truthfully it seems to me all my life I have only exchanged one set of chains for another. The latest being rude and rowdy customers, poor tips, self-doubt, and uncertainty of the future. Surely, I’m meant for more than this after all I have been through and experienced in my life? I just don’t know where to go from here with this new chance.”
She sighed once more as she began to restock the bar back as she continued slowly working on her side work so perhaps, she might be able to get home at a reasonable time for once.
“Gosh, I really wish one of my previous mentors was here to help guide me. Sheesh, honestly, I would be okay even with a new one at this point. Something has got to give.”
She longed for an answer from the Force or something, but it probably wasn’t going to happen….

